Sabretooth and the Case of Wolverine's Wallet
by Jangling Bacon
Summary: Sabretooth reveals the origin of him and Wolverine's enmity throughout the years… Sorry, not as funny as it was in my head. Also, accents are so sucky, ignore 'em


Hey! I just realized that stories about the Acolytes are both hilarious and awesome. Therefore, I have written this one-shot. Pfft. Like there could _be_ a sequel.

Disclaimer: If I owned this, I wouldn't be writing** FAN**fiction, would I?

Summary: Sabretooth reveals the origin of him and Wolverine's enmity throughout the years…

Sabretooth and the Case of Wolverine's Wallet

Pyro was bored. He had no entertainment whatsoever and hated the thought of playing an interactive game or—God forbid—training. Anyways, the room was too quite. Time to sow some Pyro-Level Chaos!

"Hey, Sabes, ya neva told 's 'n 'bout why you an' Wolvie hate each otha'" Pyro suddenly said, rousing Gambit. The infamous Acolytes were sitting in the Rec Room of their base, doing nothing productive. Gambit _had_ been sleeping. Sabretooth and Colossus were playing Ping-Pong, but they had to use new paddles every so often because they hit the ball a _little_ too hard.

"Never asked," Sabretooth grunted, sweating running down his forehead as he knocked the ball into Colossus' face. Piotr Rasputin was fortunate that he was covered in his metal armor, or he would have been as dead as Goliath.

"Aw, c'mon, don' hold back on Gambi'," said Acolyte was wide awake now and was ready to take notes or record the story, whichever was more convenient. "Gambi' knows ther' some reaso'. People don' go around killin' othe's fer nothin'."

"All of you do," Piotr muttered. "We all do, actually."

Gambit waved him off. "Gambi' don' kill. He steals, no' kill."

"C'mon, Sabes, just tell us. It can' be that bad, eh?" Pyro pleaded. Sabretooth glowered at him for a moment.

"Fine. Just because I'm really bored." Piotr was about to object that he was quite a challenge, when Sabretooth slammed the ball. The Ping-Pong ball ricocheted off the table like a bullet and hit Colossus squarely in the nose. The big Russian man stumbled backgrounds into the wall. Sabretooth sat down on the couch.

"Alright, it all started—"

"'ey, wait a minute. I ain't got moi popcorn!" Pyro protested. Remy sighed and pulled a cob of corn out of his trench coat. He chucked it at Pyro, who blasted at it with his flamethrowers gleefully. It exploded into fluffy white kernels, while some "old maids" rained down around the room. Pyro stuffed some popcorn into his mouth.

"Alroight, you can start," he mumbled through his mouthful. Sabretooth sighed an began again:

"_It all started forty-seven years ago. I had just finished a job killing some random guy. The names start to blur after a while. I was bored, so I went to see The Sound of Music."_

Pyro roared will laughter, then sharnk back when he saw Sabretooth looking at him.s

"_I walked into the movie theater with my bag of popcorn that I had swiped from a little girl."_

"Loike me! But I didn't swipe it from a little girl. Youch! Soirry." Pyro glared at Gambit.

"_Anyway, I went to my seat and found that someone was sitting there. As you can guess, it was Wolverine."_

"Dun, dun, dun!" Pyro cackled. "Youch! That's criminal, doing that twice to a man!"

"'_You're in my seat, bub,' I growled. _

'_Sorry, pal,' he sighed. He got up and moved away. I sat down, but there was something stiff on my seat. I looked down and saw a wallet. Being the brilliant detective that I am, I put two and two together and realized it was his."_

"So you stole it, righ'?" Gambit asked. "OW! Ya can' do ta Gambit what he does ta Pyro!"

"_I picked up the hateful thing and tracked the guy down in a bar. Unfortunately, he thought I wanted a fight. He unsheathed his claws—they were made of bone—and we duked it out. Of course, I made a *cough cough* dramatic exit. I didn't want to hurt him, after all._

_Over the years I've been trying to return it…but he refuses to believe I would do such a good deed."_

Sabretooth noticed the Acolytes staring at him.

"What?"

Pyro let out a hyena laugh.

"Yer serious? Ya've been tryin' to just return 'is bloody wallet?"

Sabretooth growled. "What's the matter, punk? Think it's funny? Think _I'm_ funny?"

Pyro gulped. "Nah. No way. Oi was just…uh…laughing at old Steel-face." Sabretooth turned around to look at Colossus, who was still crumpled by the Ping-Pong table. Pyro took off laughing.

"Ahhahaha! You fell for the oldest trick in the—AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" BOOM! Sabretooth turned around in confusion. Remy simply smirked.

"Gambi' jus' charged up 'is pants. No 'arm done. Not perm'nent 'arm."

Sabretooth grinned. "You and I think alike, comrade."

"Ye. But Gambi' don' return people's wallets."


End file.
